DOLORE (Imortal – Mortal)

A Day of life

Worse… Worser…. Worsed

Sun Shining


Suffering for too long (egoismo selfiness bastard dentro bastard fuori)

A story already told (Just retelling)
Dunno (like always)

Q: Went to a tobacco shop,a few days ago
Today is Tuesday ?

A: No Giovedi (Thursday last week)

Hospice Thursday morning, nurse come ecc… Tamara gentle nurse with lady doctor
Could be days, hours, ecc minutes

Call Teo,at work, Sestri Levante, coming half an hour (drives fast)



Went to peee………….., smoke ………….. ?

Valeria. ? Call the Doctor.
Maybe  expired ?

Wife DEAD 

Sei Scemo ? Regrets ………………………. Tanti

Today(Yesterday) was the day, bad sleep, 2:0 4:0 6:0 seven got up

Coffee,a beer 7° , shower … not in order
Coffee for Valeria 8 o’clock or sometime like t hat
Lousy, waiting,get dressed
Valeria, nagging (for my own good) drink a glass of water ecc…………………………)
Voltaren,Muscoril pains hip  bone getting old………………….
Toilet 7 times  shit……………………………..
Teo came with girlfriend
Rain rain rain and cold ………………….

Whisky (Valeria got it all fucked, la chichetta ……… Jack Daniels, Where is the Irish ?)260px-Chiesa_San_Bernardino_Genova_-_Esterno[1]


San Bernardino 10.00

Arrived late, bells ringing, raining,wind cold
Monks not Priests. Cappucini. Little church just above the house of ours

La chiesa di Nostra Signora di Lourdes e San Bernardo – conosciuta però anche con il nome di chiesa di San Bernardino – è un edificio di culto di Genova. È situata in salita superiore San Rocchino e fa parte del vicariato diCastelletto. L’edificio è sede della casa madre dei frati

cappuccini della Provincia Ligure.

No sermon, only sweet words by the monk (and I’m a prod)

Drugs ?

Coffin In: Out

Only close cloee close friends , wanted very private
Giusi,Luisa,Andrea, Nicola, Leo,Anna,Anna,Mimma,Aldo, Patricia,Elisabetta,Mario, myself Valeria, Teo, Titti + parents Titti ? others ………..



Shaking, Teo driving, Rain,Rain ………………….
Guy with an umbrella  walk,walk  …………… Vast vast
We arrived at campo 60, bed ???????????????????????

Bulldozers JCB’s.

Dust to dust, Teo behind the tree.

Vai Papa vai ………………
Earth scattered on the coffin ………………….
Looked looked looked …………….. Eternal

Tabxxxx Caterina

Crying, shaking,pity, LOSS loss loss……………………………

Legs shaking
I’ve got to get out of here
Got out (with help and support / friends)
Good to have friend not enemies……….Thanks friend
Sit in the car, smoke
Teo goes  to a marmista for a temporary gravestone marking
Back soon

Bye Bye my LOVE

Back home…………….
Teo cooked very responsabile,
Eat drink and be merry

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Happy
Onward trhu the fog (lots of it……..hope it will clear up)

Thanks to all shoulders ecc……………………



10:06 A beautiful day – Sun Shining

Refound Love (Everlasting)

And I’m crying or  (I’m tired Joey boy)

I’m tired Joey Boy
While you’re out with the sheep
My life is so troubled
Now I can’t go to sleep
I would walk myself out
But the streets are so dark
I shall wait till the morning
And walk in the park


the list is loooooooooooooooooong

And I’m crying

This morning at about eight o’clock looking out from the kitchen door about 25° in the sun.

A clear clear day, not a cloud was in the sky, Beautiful day
The  night, the day………..
Went to bed early for me in this period about 1:30 in the morning
Slept good until  6:30

Woke up ,wee……….d, smoked a cigarette, back to bed, and sleep

I’ve got two ears, right one completely deaf,left one good.

Sleeping with my good ear on the listen. (My tune on the phone music by  Lyst)

7:56 ,  phone rings. I’m sleepy……..
Hello, I’m the chief nurse of the hospice “The situation is deteorating rapidly, do you want to come or inform your son
Got up, dazed, caffe, cigarette, went down to the cellar, pack of beer Moretti Red 7° , drunk one
Some caffe, with sugar and milk, walked around, fed the dog, cleaned up the dogs shit in the garden.

The  dog is happy (at least some one is happy).

My wife’s sister still sleeping, went to bed at 9 o’clock yesterday evening, tired, resting………….
Got her up, coffee for her, shower for her …TAXI
Taxi came, woman driver… Maarigliano San Martiino Grazie
Nice woman, pleasant conversation, what day is today ?

Tuesday, No today is Thursday……

Conversation, laughts, talked about everything her sons, our son, viaggi ecc…………….

Tamara; A nice nurse (and competent compotenza,+understanding), more than nice she is capable (I don’t know how the personnel from the cleaning lady up to the head doctor cope, every one leaves in una barella.

Every patient goes out in a streacher, no healing, (Got to dull the pain)
Kissed my wife, maybe some look of  joy in her eyes. poco (I dunn……….), maybe she knew me again ?
Love ritrovato (refound -Back to the roots)
Talked to doctors, nurses
Phoned our son, (Arrivo subito 30 miles away)

9:30 Maybe Hours,Days, dunno

At the bedsude Valeria watching said “Maybe it’s over

It’s over,one more kiss, bliss

Can’t stand it , calm

Take the body to the morgue

Our son (Sunshine came…….Tears,Regrets,Maybe should have called him sooner


As Bugs Bunny said “That’s all for now folks”


Pizza for all, I asked for Irish Whisky, Valeria brought Jack Daniels……..Dazed
Saleswoman from the funeral services Federica
Nice woman 2 kids
Bury in the ground 10 years, and then we’ll see……………

Lost lost, saw my wife  Room N° 12
Rang a door bell
Opened by a man who seemed like a butcher Frankenstein (Junior/Senior/Butcher) dressed in blue
Two men came, dressed my wife (she”s cold)

Tomorow Yellow Rose earings (Clip ons, don’t want no blood – Them)

Put on the dishwasher after 2 months, washed by hand in the last few weeks

Bonarda, lovely Italian frizzzy wine, drink it like sasparilla or lemonade,wake up with a sore head

To be continued ……………………………………..

Not forgetting

Wonderful Eyes


Blog to “dull the pain”

I feel like a bastard

😕 😕


There are times when you don’t know how to help.
You can’t take away the pain.
You can’t take away the frustration.
All you can do is be there, and it’s a very helpless feeling.

Sadness not Worry

I feel  sadness as I watch the  struggle with cancer, not worrying about the future,the future has still to come, live the present moment.

 Anticipatory grief

Lots of grief before the loss of your loved one even before she dies. This is anticipatory grief. It’s normal to feel sad about the changes you are going through and the losses you are going to have. You may have expected your life with your friend or family member to be different than what you are going through. Feeling sad over what might have been or what is to come is expected. It’s normal for you to have grief over the future loss of your loved one and all the changes involved.

But grieving doesn’t mean that you have to feel a certain way. Everyone is different. Everyone  grieves in your their own way and time. I blog to “dull the pain


I Understand that these feelings are normal.  Although it can come and go in intensity, grief can last for a long long long time or maybe disappear tomorrow.

We’ve got to “Pick up the pieces”

Wasting Time, Just waiting

or (Sitting on the dock of the bay)

The Day Otis Redding Died: December 10, 1967, Lake Monona, Wis.

Soul singer Otis Redding had acquired his own plane to make touring less hectic, but the twin-engine Beechcraft H18 would prove his fatal undoing. At around 3:30 p.m. on a foggy Sunday afternoon, December 10, 1967, the plane, which encountered a storm en route from Cleveland to a concert in Madison, plunged into the frigid depths of Lake Monona. Redding, 26, and four members of his Bar-Kays band were killed. The musicians were headed to The Factory nightclub, scheduled to perform at 6:30 p.m.

The crash killed six others, everyone on board except for trumpeter Ben Cauley (bassist James Alexander had luckily avoided the flight altogether). On the cusp of achieving pop superstardom, Redding, best known for his hit, “(Sittin’ on) the Dock of the Bay,” recorded just three days earlier and released after his death, was dead. The tune was Otis’ first posthumous release and his biggest-selling single ever, topping both the R&B and pop charts on its way to going gold. Engineers tastefully overdubbed the sound effects, the mournful cries of seagulls, the singer’s lonesome whistling, after Otis’ death.

About 4,500 mourners, including a dazzling array of soul giants such as James Brown, Solomon Burke, and Wilson Pickett, crowded Macon’s City Auditorium for Redding’s funeral, a week later.

On December 3, 1997, thirty years later, hundreds of people showed up to the Monona Terrace Community and Convention Center to Georgia-born soul singer and songwriter. They’d never met the man, but they loved his music, and came to express their appreciation of the full impact of Otis Redding as a soul pioneer who inexorably altered the rhythm & blues landscape – and, ultimate, all of pop music- with his gritty, lustrous vocal, sexy, slinky lyrics and unforgettable songs.

Cauley, who hadn’t visited Madison since the crash, received a standing ovation. He told his audience how he’d awakened early that Sunday four decades ago and headed to the Cleveland airport for the trip to Madison. That day, he said, Redding told him he’d just finishing recording the supremely meditative “(Sittin’ On) The Dock of the Bay.” A few hours later, Cauley was flung out of the plane on impact. As he floated in the icy waters of Lake Monona, clinging to a cushion, he watched the rest of the plane’s passengers — including the man he once described as “…a groovy cat, like an older brother” — drowned.

When his short speech was finished, Cauley sang some of the songs that might have been on the bill at The Factory, including a trumpet-laced version of Redding’s “(Sittin’ On) The Dock of the Bay.”

He was born in Dawson, Georgia, approximately 100 miles south of Macon, on Sept. 9, 1941. His family moved into a Macon housing project when Redding was three. He began singing in the choir of the Vineville Baptist Church. Now home to the Georgia Music Hall of Fame, Macon is arguably the vital center of soul. Little Richard, James Brown and Otis Redding – three men who shaped American blues music in from the 1950s to the 1970s and beyond — all launched their careers here. Strangely, although he consistently impacted the R&B charts beginning with the Top Ten appearance of “Mr. Pitiful” in 1965, and he is remembered for producing some of the toughest, sweetest, most enduring soul music ever created, none of Redding’s singles fared better than #21 on the pop Top Forty.

There’s one noteworthy aspect to Redding’s life not often touched upon: No one has anything unflattering to say about him. No scandals lurking in the closet, no unsavory incidents of rampant egotism to shatter his clean image, no shafting of his sidemen on long road jaunts. Just a sincerely talented soul man who enhanced the lives of everyone associated with him but died much too soon.

Heartbreak never sounded good. Or happened so abruptly.

Article excerpted from Brian D’Ambrosio’s travel book A Wee Bit of Wisconsin



Ireland – A history of violence

So many years of fighting can’t just stop. Things take time. And maybe someday the “wars” in Ireland will stop and the Irish people can live on. Live on in peace but with a history of violence that will not ever disappear.

“He died for his country.
You should be proud”.
But what proud is there in burying your son?


Death and destruction are not things we have grown up side by side with, but in Ireland this is the merciless truth for many people.
Children growing up seeing their fathers and older brothers dying in battle for Ireland. Children getting killed while playing in the streets by lose bullets from street fights.
People fighting for their country. Dying for their country.
But this battle or war – the battle between Ireland and England, Catholics and Protestants, South and North or perhaps good and evil as some Irishmen would put it – has been going on way too long.
But people still fight like they have been doing it in so many years now. Will we not ever see the end of all this?

But people have always been fighting. For survival. For honour. For leadership. For respect. For power. For justice. For freedom. Why should this be any different. People are still fighting each other like people have been doing in all history of mankind.
But the fights in Ireland are somehow different. This will not stop until England lets go of Ireland and Ireland gets to be completely independent. Until this people will still be fighting.
Fathers will still be burying their sons.
Wives – their husbands.
Parents – their children.
And people will still be saying, “He died for his country. You should be proud”. But what proud is there in burying your son?

Like the story “Pigeons”, by Michael McLaverty, where we are following little Frankie whose big brother, Johnny, goes to fight for Ireland and die. Little Frankie is taking over the pigeons from Johnny and in that way perhaps also the duty of fighting for Ireland.
The whole family is mourning and people are telling them that, “It’s a glorious thing, to die for Ireland, to die for Ireland!”, and that they should be proud. But what is there to be proud about for a father who just lost his oldest son?
But this is or was Ireland. Sons dying for Ireland, fathers dying for Ireland, and people telling the families to be proud.
In the story a priest also says, “The police! The police! They don’t love their country. They serve England. England, my boys! The England that chased our people to live in the damp bogs. The England that starved our ancestors till they had to eat grass and nettles by the roadside.”, which is a good indicator of how the people maybe felt it. Forced to live of nothing because of England.
People hating England and everything about England. And people feeling that the things there was against them, like the police, also were servants of England.

Peace hasn’t been achieved yet. People today still die of terrorist attacks of IRA or in fights between the police and the nationalists.
Ireland is a country with a history of violence. Violence has been and still is a everyday thing and it has affected many lives. Too many lives. This is unfortunately the pure truth of Ireland.
People fighting for dream and dying for a dream. The dream of an independent Ireland. People keep getting killed – and the dream goes on with more hate against England and the people who support England.

So many years of fighting can’t just stop. Things take time. And maybe someday the “wars” in Ireland will stop and the Irish people can live on. Live on in peace but with a history of violence that will not ever disappear.